Wedding Wednesday

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Soo.... wedding things are happening around here.  Kinda-sorta.  I've got the ball rolling with the church - unfortunately, the church moves at the speed of extremely-slow-things.  For serious.

So I expect to hear back from the church coordinator in 2-3 days - at which point Mr. RH and I have to meet up with a priest, which will probably take a couple weeks to coordinate.

Needless to say, I'm not grumpy about how slow that process is AT ALL. 

To add insult to injury, Mr. RH has the flu.  And now I am living in constant fear of The Vomit myself.

So, since I have come to a standstill with getting the date set up (and can't book reception or photographer until after I get the church), I've really let the whole wedding process sink in. 

And it's been hitting me harder and harder how much I miss my mom.

And I'm not really sure WHY, exactly.  It could be because she knows everyone who is anyone at church and could surely help get the process rolling.  It could be because she was a bit of a photography expert and could probably find me the best photographer within a reasonable budget (as opposed to the unreasonable photography budget I have in my head).

It could be because it hit me yesterday that possibly no one in my family would want to throw me a wedding shower.  That my mom has multiple sisters and I have a dozen aunts but that maybe it's just too painful for them all without her there.

And that's where it really gets me.  I wish just for once I had an overbearing mom to criticize any and all thoughts I have related to the wedding.  That she could bitch and moan about how she doesn't approve of the wedding dress. 

It's hitting me over the head on Pinterest lately.  The multi-generational wedding photos.  Pictures of both sets of parents with the bride and groom.  Pictures with mothers' and grandmothers' wedding bands. 

And I know it's just me feeling self-conscious and overwhelmed, but I just wish she were here to tell me that everything's going to be fine, that I'm being over-dramatic, and to stop worrying about it already. 

Before we were engaged, I told Mr. RH multiple times that I was dreading planning a wedding without my mom.  That the thought of having to go through it without her made me want to elope and skip the whole thing.  At the time, I was being dramatic and just trying to steel myself... I just didn't know how much it would actually hurt. 


And the silly thing is... I am surrounded by incredible friends, great coworkers, the whole nine yards.  I am certainly not the saddest girl to plan a wedding.  It just feels that way when I'm feeling sorry for myself.  And I doubt this will be the last thing I have to say on the topic.